With no particular interest in what was being said, I recently spent an afternoon tuning my ears in to random snatches of conversations that were going on all around me.
There was one common factor: none of it made any sense. At least not to me. Not until I heard a solitary voice behind me, speaking in complete sentences, expressing clear logical reasoning. I turned around. It was a woman having an argument with herself.
Now why, I pondered, was this woman talking to herself considered odd by the rest of us, when she was the only one making any sense?
She was only doing out loud what most of us do all the time, quietly in our own heads. Except that our self-talk is usually like those random snatches of conversation, nonsensical and negative: Stupid me! ... He looks a real dork! ... I'll never get this done! ... They must think I'm stupid! ... I feel such a fool!
OK, those examples may be grammatically correct, but they are nonsensical because they are simply not true. They are not facts, just opinions.
Their negative effect hits us deeply. And yet, we allow them to go on and on.
Let's go back to those nonsense phrases I picked up at random in the street.
The speakers were not wasting their breath. Clearly they were communicating something between each other, creating rapport, sharing a common feeling about something. Even though their words seemed meaningless at face value.
It seems to back up the statistic that less than ten percent of what we communicate comes from the dictionary definitions of the words we use. The rest is carried by tone of voice, context, vocal dynamics, accompanying gestures...
The actual words we use can be brief, or even incomplete. But they can serve as triggers that set off explosive chain reactions of shared ideas, common opinions, mutual feelings. Somehow, powerful communication takes place on a non-verbal level.
And so it is with the self-talk that goes round and round inside our heads all day. It isn't just words. It determines our facial expression, the way we hold ourselves, the way we move.
The words themselves do not matter. What makes them powerful is the emotions they stir up, Our e-motions literally set us into motion. Like puppets. It's important to take control of the strings and rein in the feelings stirred up by our negative self-talk.
And then there is the "vibe" broadcast by these emotions, both individually and collectively.
Have you ever been caught in a crowd that is in an ugly mood, like when a fight is breaking out? Or walked into a room where two people have just had a blazing row? No words are being spoken at that stage, but you can feel the fierceness of the emotions behind the unspoken thoughts.
It's important to check our own unspoken inner talk. Are we polluting the environment with negativity? Or are we lifting our world with a little love and forgiveness, of ourselves and others?
Even skilled meditators will tell you how difficult it can be, even for them, to stop our self-talk. But that isn't necessary. All that's needed is to start changing it.
As soon as you catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, think "CANCEL! CANCEL!" And substitute a kinder thought of your choice. Soon, this will become your habit. And it will start to show in the kind of world you experience.
It's simple, but it works ... if you stick at it.
As you grapple with your self-talk, take encouragement from this fact. Just one kind thought, about yourself or others, can outweigh a hundred nasty ones. Especially if you put your heart into it. It is often said of an action that what counts is the thought behind it. Well, the feeling behind that thought counts even more.
Of course, here on the pages of the internet we have nothing but the words to convey our messages. Nothing else comes across from our computer screens.
Or does it?
Let me know what you feel.
There was one common factor: none of it made any sense. At least not to me. Not until I heard a solitary voice behind me, speaking in complete sentences, expressing clear logical reasoning. I turned around. It was a woman having an argument with herself.
*****
Now why, I pondered, was this woman talking to herself considered odd by the rest of us, when she was the only one making any sense?
She was only doing out loud what most of us do all the time, quietly in our own heads. Except that our self-talk is usually like those random snatches of conversation, nonsensical and negative: Stupid me! ... He looks a real dork! ... I'll never get this done! ... They must think I'm stupid! ... I feel such a fool!
OK, those examples may be grammatically correct, but they are nonsensical because they are simply not true. They are not facts, just opinions.
Their negative effect hits us deeply. And yet, we allow them to go on and on.
*****
Let's go back to those nonsense phrases I picked up at random in the street.
The speakers were not wasting their breath. Clearly they were communicating something between each other, creating rapport, sharing a common feeling about something. Even though their words seemed meaningless at face value.
It seems to back up the statistic that less than ten percent of what we communicate comes from the dictionary definitions of the words we use. The rest is carried by tone of voice, context, vocal dynamics, accompanying gestures...
The actual words we use can be brief, or even incomplete. But they can serve as triggers that set off explosive chain reactions of shared ideas, common opinions, mutual feelings. Somehow, powerful communication takes place on a non-verbal level.
*****
And so it is with the self-talk that goes round and round inside our heads all day. It isn't just words. It determines our facial expression, the way we hold ourselves, the way we move.
The words themselves do not matter. What makes them powerful is the emotions they stir up, Our e-motions literally set us into motion. Like puppets. It's important to take control of the strings and rein in the feelings stirred up by our negative self-talk.
And then there is the "vibe" broadcast by these emotions, both individually and collectively.
Have you ever been caught in a crowd that is in an ugly mood, like when a fight is breaking out? Or walked into a room where two people have just had a blazing row? No words are being spoken at that stage, but you can feel the fierceness of the emotions behind the unspoken thoughts.
*****
It's important to check our own unspoken inner talk. Are we polluting the environment with negativity? Or are we lifting our world with a little love and forgiveness, of ourselves and others?
Even skilled meditators will tell you how difficult it can be, even for them, to stop our self-talk. But that isn't necessary. All that's needed is to start changing it.
As soon as you catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, think "CANCEL! CANCEL!" And substitute a kinder thought of your choice. Soon, this will become your habit. And it will start to show in the kind of world you experience.
It's simple, but it works ... if you stick at it.
As you grapple with your self-talk, take encouragement from this fact. Just one kind thought, about yourself or others, can outweigh a hundred nasty ones. Especially if you put your heart into it. It is often said of an action that what counts is the thought behind it. Well, the feeling behind that thought counts even more.
*****
Of course, here on the pages of the internet we have nothing but the words to convey our messages. Nothing else comes across from our computer screens.
Or does it?
Let me know what you feel.