This post is part of "An A to Z for Success". See the side panel on the right for an index.
You have most likely already experienced that habits can be devils to break. But that is also what can make them a strong ally when we want to change some aspect of our behaviour. We can use the strength and resilience of an already embedded habit, and turn it around to serve us in a more useful way. There is no need to try to unravel all the "wiring" that ties us into a habit. What we can do instead is connect the existing circuit to a different switch.
An example is perhaps the best way to explain this. Some time ago, I used to be unable to pass a coffee shop without calling in for a dose of caffeine and some chocolate cake.
It was crazy. There was no longer any enjoyment in this compulsive habit that would rule me sometimes two or three times in a day. Yet I could not resist, despite being well aware of the damage to my physical health. My waistline expanded until it felt uncomfortable to bend over to tie my shoe laces. The waste of time and money was also somewhat depressing.
One day, I wondered just how much money I was wasting on this habit... and a plan evolved. I resolved that for a whole month there would be no chocolate cake. Instead, the money saved would be put aside for a donation to a favourite charity of mine, WaterAid.
So, the urge for chocolate cake continued, but each time it surfaced the result was £3 or so being set aside for WaterAid. That felt good, seeing a sizeable donation accumulate for my favourite charity. It also felt great when my waistline started to return to normal. (And eating chocolate cake is a pleasure again, now that it's reserved for special occasions.)
(I have a link to WaterAid in the side panel on the right.)
Revisit your wish list that you wrote at letter "A". If there is not one already there, add a habit that you would like to change, and use your ingenuity to apply this technique.
A friend of mine used it to save his marriage to a wonderful and dearly-loved wife. The problem was, he just could not let go of a lifetime habit of flirting with every pretty girl that crossed his path. Things were getting rather strained and he confided in me that he was desperate to quash his habit.
The first thing I advised was to start accepting his feelings as they arose, to make no attempt to battle with them. Next, we went shopping and he bought a new wallet, one that contained a clear pocket into which he could slip a photo of his lovely wife. From then on, whenever the urge arose to chat up a girl, he simply opened his wallet and let his feelings flow as he gazed at the photo of his beloved.
Before long, he was both behaving himself and experiencing fond thoughts of his wife all day long, without even glancing at the photo in his wallet. And his wife was also receiving frequent pleasant surprises from him!
Establishing good habits is vital as we explore The Room For Improvement. Again and again we will read or hear things that strike a chord with us. But they will be wasted unless we make the effort to incorporate them into our lives as new habits. Each "aha moment" of discovery must be turned into "a habitual movement" of application.
Estimates vary between different psychologists, but most say it takes 20-30 repetitions to firmly establish a habit. So, a good rule of thumb is to resolve to do something every day for at least a month ... and to persist.
At the root of each habit, we find there is a feeling, and the habit is a way (usually a misguided way) of resolving that feeling. Whenever you notice a habit taking over, pay attention to your feelings; they are what is driving the habit. Simply accept those feelings, without judgement. Once you start to become aware of them, you will find new, more effective ways to resolve those feelings.
I can recommend Sedona Method as an excellent way to explore and deal with habits and the feelings that drive them. You can find out more through the links listed under HIGHLY RECOMMENDED in the panel on the right.
H is also for HARMONY
This is something well worth investing a little time to create more of in our lives. We invest huge amounts of time in generating money. We may also be putting considerable effort into building relationships, improving a sport or skill, learning something new... but how much time do we spend specifically on nurturing harmony? And yet, harmony makes all those other things so much easier (yes, even making money!)
I am currently working on a book, Harmony Between Souls, a collection of well-proven practical techniques that nurture harmony. (This book is now available. For details, click the About My Books tab at the top of this page.)
Apologies for the longer than usual gap since publishing the previous post; I've been busy moving to a lovely new home: the result of applying the processes outlined in this "A to Z" series.
This post is part of "An A to Z for Success". See the side panel on the right for an index.
You have most likely already experienced that habits can be devils to break. But that is also what can make them a strong ally when we want to change some aspect of our behaviour. We can use the strength and resilience of an already embedded habit, and turn it around to serve us in a more useful way. There is no need to try to unravel all the "wiring" that ties us into a habit. What we can do instead is connect the existing circuit to a different switch.
An example is perhaps the best way to explain this. Some time ago, I used to be unable to pass a coffee shop without calling in for a dose of caffeine and some chocolate cake.
It was crazy. There was no longer any enjoyment in this compulsive habit that would rule me sometimes two or three times in a day. Yet I could not resist, despite being well aware of the damage to my physical health. My waistline expanded until it felt uncomfortable to bend over to tie my shoe laces. The waste of time and money was also somewhat depressing.
One day, I wondered just how much money I was wasting on this habit... and a plan evolved. I resolved that for a whole month there would be no chocolate cake. Instead, the money saved would be put aside for a donation to a favourite charity of mine, WaterAid.
So, the urge for chocolate cake continued, but each time it surfaced the result was £3 or so being set aside for WaterAid. That felt good, seeing a sizeable donation accumulate for my favourite charity. It also felt great when my waistline started to return to normal. (And eating chocolate cake is a pleasure again, now that it's reserved for special occasions.)
(I have a link to WaterAid in the side panel on the right.)
*****
Revisit your wish list that you wrote at letter "A". If there is not one already there, add a habit that you would like to change, and use your ingenuity to apply this technique.
A friend of mine used it to save his marriage to a wonderful and dearly-loved wife. The problem was, he just could not let go of a lifetime habit of flirting with every pretty girl that crossed his path. Things were getting rather strained and he confided in me that he was desperate to quash his habit.
The first thing I advised was to start accepting his feelings as they arose, to make no attempt to battle with them. Next, we went shopping and he bought a new wallet, one that contained a clear pocket into which he could slip a photo of his lovely wife. From then on, whenever the urge arose to chat up a girl, he simply opened his wallet and let his feelings flow as he gazed at the photo of his beloved.
Before long, he was both behaving himself and experiencing fond thoughts of his wife all day long, without even glancing at the photo in his wallet. And his wife was also receiving frequent pleasant surprises from him!
*****
Establishing good habits is vital as we explore The Room For Improvement. Again and again we will read or hear things that strike a chord with us. But they will be wasted unless we make the effort to incorporate them into our lives as new habits. Each "aha moment" of discovery must be turned into "a habitual movement" of application.
Estimates vary between different psychologists, but most say it takes 20-30 repetitions to firmly establish a habit. So, a good rule of thumb is to resolve to do something every day for at least a month ... and to persist.
*****
At the root of each habit, we find there is a feeling, and the habit is a way (usually a misguided way) of resolving that feeling. Whenever you notice a habit taking over, pay attention to your feelings; they are what is driving the habit. Simply accept those feelings, without judgement. Once you start to become aware of them, you will find new, more effective ways to resolve those feelings.
I can recommend Sedona Method as an excellent way to explore and deal with habits and the feelings that drive them. You can find out more through the links listed under HIGHLY RECOMMENDED in the panel on the right.
*****
H is also for HARMONY
This is something well worth investing a little time to create more of in our lives. We invest huge amounts of time in generating money. We may also be putting considerable effort into building relationships, improving a sport or skill, learning something new... but how much time do we spend specifically on nurturing harmony? And yet, harmony makes all those other things so much easier (yes, even making money!)
I am currently working on a book, Harmony Between Souls, a collection of well-proven practical techniques that nurture harmony. (This book is now available. For details, click the About My Books tab at the top of this page.)
*****
Apologies for the longer than usual gap since publishing the previous post; I've been busy moving to a lovely new home: the result of applying the processes outlined in this "A to Z" series.
This post is part of "An A to Z for Success". See the side panel on the right for an index.